I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF (PARDON THE FRENCH)

It was around 11:20 PM and my phone rang, I could recognized my ex's phone number but she doesn't know my number. So, I thought it was about my daughter Michelle who lives with her; I was right it was my daughter telling me that her mother and her were staying at my other daughter's [Lils] apartment because my ex's husband went off on my daughter and my ex.
I don't care much about my ex, but when it comes to my daughters I think I could kill someone or beat somebody up really good, if they mess up with one of them.
Well, now I want to do something to that guy but my daughter asked me no to do so because she is worry about the outcome for her mom. Whatever the situation was this asshole had no reason to scream at my daughter and I want to go I beat him up.
Do you guys think I should go right now and take care of business?

Twitter Friends

I had been excited for a few days about this day, today was set to meet a twitter friend; somebody that we both clicked as good friends from day one. It was a wonderful day!

I drove to San Francisco, California [about one and a half hours from my home] to meet @locadelamaceta and her husband @bilbeny, two wonderful people that it seemed like I met them long time ago. Since the moment we greeted each other, there was that feeling that it gets you and makes you know about good people.

It was overwhelming at first but in a few minutes I could notice the honesty and authenticity of both of them and everything was easier. We started to look for a restaurant and honestly I was like lost in a city that I know so well; that's why I said that it was a little bit overwhelming at first. Finally, we found a Chinese restaurant in China Town! We sat down and started to talk and talk, we even kind of ignored the waiter until we had to order.

For the next hour or so; we talk about our kids, family, likings, hobbies, well we tried to cover everything but there was not too much time.

Miranda [@locadelamaceta or "crazy of the pot" #badenglish como yo le digo] gave me her book that she wrote and she dedicated to Juan Tre-hoe [she remembers] and Mario her husband [@bilbeny] took a picture of us then Miranda took a picture of Mario and I. Walked back to Union Square and after one more hug came the undesired moment... time to say GOODBYE to my new virtual friends that are not virtual anymore.

Who was going to say that a person that I met in twitter just a few months ago and a person I met over the phone a few days ago were going to become such great friends in such a short time.

My Star

I hadn't visited my blog in months, but finally a muse appeared to me, not really a muse but a star -MY STAR-; and it has brought light to my heart, and hope to my life.

Well, I don't know if it's an old crush or I don't really know what it is. I found after several years my star, that lost star that used be so bright to me; while a lot of people thought that star was with no bright to me was the most beautiful star in the sky.

I can remember smiles, words, face movements, situations; I can remember about anything from that star that I don't remember about anybody else. When youngsters used to talk bad stuff about my star, I was there to confront, I was there to prove them wrong, I was there for my star; and sometimes even if they were right, my eyes could see nothing else but the light coming from that star. My star had nothing wrong, it was perfect and beautiful.

So now, after several years and seeing the bright of that star again and a lot of feelings have came abroad and it has me happy, enthusiastic, and rejuvenated; the star is not the same star, neither on body nor soul, it seems the same but the star has been enduring hard times [just as I have] and it appears to have a different glow, a different bright. Now, there are other things that you admire of my star [it will be mine forever because I have never seen it go shine less, because I have never forgotten it]. But, there is always a but with me; while in the past was difficult almost impossible to look at the star right at the heart of it, call it afraid, call it coward, call it whatever; now there are new obstacles to defeat.

Some of those obstacles are: the distance where the star is located, the afraid of seeing to the heart of the star, several years of sinsabores both from the star and from myself. I have enjoyed a few weeks of seeing the star so close to me, I have talked to the star [my star, remember?], I have told them secrets that I haven't told to nobody, we have remembered things and situations from the past. There seems to be a connection now that didn't exist in the past, not because of the star's fault or my fault, just something that didn't happen in the past.

The situation back then maybe wasn't right, but the fight to reach for my star this time has just begun, even that will be no easy but I won't rest until either reach my star or there are not possible ways to reach to it. And even then I won't forget it, it's bright will stay forever before my eyes.

DON'T

Don't care so much for me,
I may get used to it.
Don't come so near to me,
I may not be able to detach from it.
Don't put so much faith in me,
I may not be able to handle it.
Don't touch me the way u do,
I may not be able to get over it.
Don't become a part of my life,
Coz without u, I won't be able to live it.
Don't make me fall for u,
I may not be able to fall out of it.
Don't come into my life,
If u have to leave one day.
Don't give me the hope,
That it's forever u r gonna stay.
Coz love is an emotion
I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love,
It hurts deep down inside.
Don't start something
That I won't be able to end.
Don't make me believe
That u can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all,
I don't wanna hear u say,
That," I'm sorry,"
" but I never felt the same way!"

HOMELESS

Yesterday it was my day with homeless people. I have nothing against homeless people and I actually used to have some "friends" or just homeless people that I knew back in the day when I used to live in San Francisco, CA. Besides, I always told my daughters that when I grew up I was going to be a street bomb [homeless].
Well, yesterday this white guy asked me for A COUPLE OF BUCKS because it was hot and wanted to buy some water, food, and beer; I was like I am hot too and I want to buy all that; so I said I have no money and he's got mad calling me names and stuff. I went inside the store and when I came out he was still there and he starts giving me crap once again, I answered some back and I almost explode and beat the shit out of him but some other guy that received some blasphemies from this homeless person came too and the incident ended there.
Then I go to a fruit stand that is own by a friend of mine and buy some fruit and also engaged on some conversation with him when another homeless person comes [this time a Mexican guy on his early 20's] and asked me for money to buy beer! And he asked as well as the other homeless for A COUPLE OF DOLLARS! When I told them I had no money he asked me if I wanted some money myself and he called me "a cheap mother fucker" and pulled out a stack of dollar bills. He told us he makes around USDA 200.00 every day just asking for money.
I think we are on the wrong profession!

ALMOST TRAVEL TO L.A.

Almost traveled to Los Angeles on Saturday night, it was going to be a quick and unplanned trip [are not those the best times?]. I received a phone call from someone that has been and will be a very special person to me for the rest of my life.

This lady [I will mention her name later] and I met through the Internet when I just separated from my ex-wife and before we met in person we were chatting on the MSN and talking over the phone for months [around 4 months]. Well, we became to know each other really well and there were very few secrets or things that we didn't know about each other, I could say she made me forget a lot of the problems that a separation towards a divorce brings to a person. She has been the only person to send me flowers, not once but twice! [Ladies: if you want to be remember for your man forever, send him flowers]. She was like a dust pan that picked up all the pieces that I was broken into and put them back together with special care.

We had some fantasies about how to meet, where to meet, and what to do when we'd finally meet; as well as some fantasies that we wanted to accomplish after meeting, and YES, we fulfilled every single one of them, okay maybe almost all of them. The weekend we met has been something that I will never ever forget.

After we met, I traveled to LA one weekend and two weekends later she did the travel to the Central Valley. So, we saw each other once or twice a month for the 4 months that we were together. After that we saw each other a couple more times.

Some people will be wondering if we had such a good relationship why we broke out. Well, one day my ex-wife [tired of seeing me happy] asked me to get back together for the sake of the kids [I know I know]; to make it short 5 months later we were separated again and this time was for good. I never asked Esmeralda [I promised to say her name] to get back together but I guess she is still on a special place of my heart. Months later, she called me to inform me that she was dating someone else, I was devastated and angry about my stupidness but it happened and I could do nothing.

Like I said before, we have seen a couple times each other, once for about one hour in the parking lot of Oakland Coliseum; the second time we met at Fresno, CA for two rocky and exciting days. We cheated to our respective boyfriend and girlfriend [not that I care since I am not with that girlfriend that I had at the time] but Esmi [nickname for Esmeralda] was engaged. Besides, every time we met my head was a mess, I was thinking all the time about her and I could not call her because she was with someone else.

This past Saturday received a phone call [even I don’t have her number saved to my phone, I know it by heart], I knew immediately was her. She told me her husband was in New York until Tuesday and asked me if I wanted to go to Los Angeles and meet once again.

I said I could not do it this time, gave her a couple excuses; talked to her for another 10 minutes catching up on things and hung up.

After that I was regretting my decision and my head was a mess once again. I am very confused because I don’t know if it’s pure attraction or there is some of that stupid feeling called LOVE involved.

So now, you know why I almost went to LA.

I dislike that a lot [Eso me cae en los...]

Yesterday Friday I went to the bar I frequently go on Fridays and/or Tuesdays. I was with a friend that I hadn't seen in long time untill a few weeks ago we started to kick it together again, his name is Elias and we used to rent a bachelor pad just after my separation from my ex-wife. But, that's probably material for anothe blog.
Well, we were drinking and I had met two ladies before he got there, then I went to another bar to meet someone, and cameback to the first bar to meet Elias and drink. So, these two ladies were good looking and there were lots of guys trying to score [you know what I mean], we stayed away from them untill one of them I think her name was Alexa smiled to me and open and invitation for me to go there; I told my friend lets go over there and sit with them. We started BSing, joking, and just having fun; this girl Alexa seemed fun and friendly. The other girl her name is Pam was friendly and nice at the begining but this second time when we went and seat with them she seemed on a bitchy mood, she was treating me like shit when I was very polite and respectul. She asked: "how do I manage to buy drinks?"; I was stunned and I thought she wanted to be funny but she kept being rude and she was even more rude towards me when she was talking a lot of shit about Mexico, mexicans, and evrything that had to do with Mexico.
She was saying that Mexico is dirty, the people is corrupted, dirty, tricky, well we are to her eyes a complete disgrace to humanity. The funny and sad part is that she is a daughter of mexican inmigrants, so she is mexican-american! She works for the state [she is a freaking BUROCRAT] without any degree, except her freacking [just to no to say the "F" word] HIGH SCHOOL diploma.
When I told her what I do for a living, she changed completely, but it was too late. I would not go out, kick it, or have anything else to do with someone that talks shit about mi raza, mi gente, y mi pais.
The other girl [Alexa] was cool, but the other one [Pam] was kind of a B I T C H. She is a COCONUT!